Choose Bliss Now's blog

Helping you to connect sex, love and spirit

Everyday and extraordinary – the beauty of the body May 6, 2010


Verica and Suta

I am recently back from running a group in Norway, a beautiful country whose people are a delight. After a year’s absence it felt really good to be working again with my dear friend Verica, and meeting for the first time Espen, our talented co-teacher. The theme for this group was Stepping into Love. We brought this about by working with the principles of men becoming empowered in the solar plexus (third chakra) to embody and radiant the sun/fire energy, while the women found ways to rest back into the devotional energies of the heart (forth chakra), so as to be able to receive and reflect their male counterpart with cool, moon energy.

The group went deep and powerful very quickly. As we went on together, we used energy circulation, times with men and women being separated, massage, emotional release and voice work to open up and enter into the quality of being with one’s self and being together, that was full of ease and grace – ahhhh – exquisite!

Many participants shed tears as they expressed deep gratitude for the opening and inspiration they experienced on the weekend. I love this immediacy and vitality of working face to face with people. When working with individuals or groups, my intention is often to hold the space in such a way that we can open up and, open up, as deeply as possible in a manor that is easy and light, yet also meaningful and touching.

One of the main ways to encourage this to happen is by working with the body. Our bodies, every body, yes, including this very body you are sitting in now, are extraordinary! And, everyday. Something so much there as a fact of our earthly existence, it can be easy to totally take these beautiful creations for granted, which are simultaneously, the incredible result of millions of years of evolutionary refinement, AND, a doorway to the divine, a portal to spiritual realms. At the esoteric heart or core of many spiritual traditions and religious practices, even those that seem to have a somewhat negative view of sensuality and the body, are found meditations, rituals and teachings that use the body as doorway to spiritual opening. Why is this?

Certain aspects of the lived human experience are mediated through the body – the breathing is now, we are feeling NOW! So the body can be a doorway to the present, to presence. By resting or returning our attention to this, we can enter more fully into this moment. This can be a refreshing change from the realm of the mind, where we can spend much of our time and become so readily identified with.

I look forward to many more opportunities to help people feel this deep and simple truth – that the body and the divine are one.

With love,



Passion, ravishment and Tantra March 11, 2010

Hello again!

After a long, cold winter the days are finally becoming longer and lighter heralding the coming of Spring with its  infusion of life-giving energies. This time of year can re-awaken our excitement for  life,  our desire to live and  do things – some of you may already be feeling this to be very inspiring.

In life,  in relationship, many people are longing to experience Passion. This is a dynamic, even intense sense of  desire, enthusiasm, eagerness, lively positive interest that, when we feel it, can be  FANTASTIC! It is like a tide  of life-force that can empower and expand us to act with vigour and spontaneity, such that we surprise  ourselves and others.

The poet Yeats wrote “A passion driven man sings out sentences that he never thought”. So this has been the muse for poets , the fuel for warriors and the bonding for lovers throughout the ages…..    ……and yet how often we seem to settle for a life or relationship that is humdrum, bland or even tedious. Over time we can settle into patterns of behaviour and relating that are certainly        comfortable  and functional but rarely thrilling.  When we are first getting to know someone there can be a strong desire which combined with the sense of newness, can make each meeting seem fresh and exciting.

In this first phase of relating passionate sex can seem to happen more easily. How come we allow our passion to fade? More importantly how might we ‘ignite that spark’ again? Well, as I always say – it begins with a choice – you look at your ability to be passionate in your daily life and perhaps consider how willing you are to become a passionate lover …someone who may be able to evoke that in another, and commited to making that last. I recommend that over the next week you take a few minutes to write a ‘passion statement’ every day. You answer a question like ‘Where do I find passion in my life? or ‘What made me passionate today’?

The teachings of Tantra remind us that energy can flow very powerfully between polarities, for example masculine and feminine. David Deida states in a very compelling way that many contemporary couples aim to create a kind of gender equality. This may mean the man becomes more caring and sensitive and the woman takes some of the decisions, or is the ‘breadwinner’. This is a healthy cultural development but it can tend to de-polarise the couple which would diminish the erotic charge between them. Thus in effect they suffer from becoming too balanced!

In my years of attending and leading Tantra groups I have heard the call from women that yes, they want men to be sensitive, listening and caring, but also there is a yearning for something wild or passionate from men. Many women are wanting to be ravished!!

They want demonstrations, from men, of feeling or being crazy with love and desire for them. This would convey an invigorating sense that you could ‘get carried away by the moment’ or ‘swept off your feet’.



This can be a sublime form of excitement – fiery , raw and vital! Men often claim they want a ‘hot’ or ‘passionate’ lover and yet they are not being that themselves. Many men become more animated and vocal watching sport than they do having sex!

What can we actually DO to open up the possibility for passionate meeting? As ever there must be some degree of willingness to at least play at this in our intimate moments. For the masculine partner to be more assertive, directional, even powerfully animalistic (whilst also remaining loving) whilst the feminine partner allows herself to surrender.

Although we usually think of passion as flourishing in spontaneity, in most relationships it also requires some degree of vulnerability and trust. So I invite you to consider the suggestion that a great way to increase sexual passion is to make time for that in your life.Actually schedule time for intimacy and /or pleasure. Pick dates, times and durations of ‘love appointments’. Be realistic, but also slightly challenging in what you plan. Then be aware that you may find all sorts of excuses to get in the way of actually showing up at the date. Keep the date anyway!

When you are first dating someone you are usually very excited and looking forward to the time together. You prepare accordingly. We shave, bathe, wash, wax and dress the body so that physically we look and feel special. We also mentally prepare with positive expectations and planning. This gives your partner and your own mind and physiology the message that this is a special,valuable and important occasion. Prepare for a love appointment in this way too.

Once in the date you give (and hopefully receive) focussed attention. You allow yourself to become fully absorbed in the moment. This is demonstrated through the presence in your eye contact, touch, listening. Use this time to enhance and deepen your connection – emotionally, spiritually, energetically as well as physically.

You can find new ways to enjoy physical contact. Surprise each other by sharing new visions and fantasies. Above all have an attitude of appreciation, even adoration for your partner …. and express that! As one of the Tantric scriptures says: “Where man and woman worship one another is the play of the divine”.

Yes go ahead and use words to tell them what it is you love and enjoy about them – you may compose or find some erotic prose or love poetry, or song or just say something simple but with heartfelt sincerity but also let yourself be spicy, naughty, outrageous!

To give you some more inspiration, I’ll leave you with this from Karen Karison:

“I love being lost in the sound that mud makes when it is soft and wet and begs your fingers to stay a little while longer, and please play some more in my earth. Smell this beautiful terafirma consuming you, begging you to forsake the skillful architecture of your hands to make a more marvelous mess, and I love you saying, ‘Look, I have found this branch of myself that I can use to dig your sweet red clay to death’ and I say ‘Yes, dig me baby. Dig me as if planting love like crocuses beneath the window of my hips.”


Tantra rising February 2, 2010

The snow and freezing temperatures of January already seem like a quickly receding memory, but some of the events of the time are still fresh in my mind…….

There is a groundswell of activity happening in the Tantra world, which will lead to it becoming more and more visible and increasingly widespread as time goes by. At the beginning of January, I attended for the first time the gathering of the ‘Tantra Union’. This is a meeting of many of the most well known, well established and respected teachers of Tantra in the UK. These two days gave me a chance to get to meet and meditate with and exper ience some of the flavour of different teachers work and, equally importantly, brainstorm ideas to raise the profile of Tantra. I especially enjoyed the company of these fine and talented people, and getting a renewed appreciation for the diversity of perspectives that come under the umbrella of ‘Tantra’.

Sarita opening up my Chakras at the media weekend

Two weeks later I was at another Tantric gathering as the School of Awakening (meaning Sarita, and many of her most experienced teachers, apprentices and trainees) hosted a weekend, at Croydon Hall, for the media (there were two camera crews plus several print journalists, click here for the SoA blog). This included my first filmed interview and facilitating a day of Singles Tantra and a Couples day for the media to observe or participate in. My pubic hair finally made it onto film after years of trying!! See the handsome man Sarita is demonstrating the Chakra massage on to your left……

The event was considered a great success by all – to such a degree that some of the journalists were so deeply touched by the sacred and beautiful atmosphere that permeated the work that they wanted to book themselves onto a longer residential group!

One aspect of my work that I’m really beginning to enjoy (slightly to my own surprise) is giving talks and interviews – I gave my first Tantric massage talk in January, and am really look forward to doing that again on 9th February. As well as being filmed at the School of Awakening media weekend, I also gave my first radio interview this month! It will air on Sarah Scarlett-Williams’ Vivacity show at 12pm on 10th February, on Bristol Community Radio. Check out the start of my career as a radio star!! We’ll have the podcast available to download on our website shortly after the show.

As I write about all this media exposure and exciting future plans, I realise that I am part of a growing wave of practitioners and teachers who are feeling ready now to respond to the Call: the vision of practices and principles from Tantra starting to be more widely understood, more easily accessible and sought out by greater numbers of people of all ages and walks of life, as their life enriching value and benefit is generally recognised and appreciated. This means sharing the work with more passion, professionalism and integrity, and a willingness to explore new ways to describe what we do, so that an ever wider spectrum of people are getting exposed to this ancient wisdom that has so much to offer the modern world. So who knows – in a few short years we may be seeing Tantra much more frequently on the TV, radio and certainly the internet, maybe nightclubs/dance parties with Tantric themes or ambience, and Tantra classes becoming as common as yoga is today. You heard it here first!

Feeling really, really good!

Also in January, two more groups had the chance to experience ‘Feeling Really Really Good Through Tantra‘ – one at Osho Leela and one in London. This group process is really developing into a “delightful, fun, nourishing, stimulating, refreshing” structure. The people who come to participate are consistently describing experiences of great insight, profound yet simple joy, liberating spontaneity and delightful fun! I love running this workshop!! The next opportunity to experience this aspect of my work will be another residential weekend at Osho Leela from April 9-11, and in Bristol on 24/5 of the same month. See our calendar for all the details.

Love and blessings,



Magical, ecstatic wonder – Tantric life as I know it! December 2, 2009

Welcome to my blog for November!

Another month deeper into the season of dark nights (and days!). Since I last wrote there have been several noteworthy events in this Tantric life …… ……

I had the pleasure of returning to Croydon Hall with Sarita of the School of Awakening for a six day couples group that is level 2 of the three year training. This workshop explores the theme of ‘Male-female balance’ using the chakra system as the map or guide to the territory. Over the years I have come to appreciate the depth and profundity of the chakras as a way of understanding the way energy and consciousness manifest through the physical body and our behaviour, and also love many of the practical methods and techniques that we can draw upon to help bring us back to wholeness, health and vitality. So to spend six days immersed in this was something I had been really looking forward to. The group surpassed my hopes and was a delight. It was such a joy to see the couples deepening in their love ….and opening new dimensions in their erotic connection and expression with their beloved. Truly heartwarming stuff – and a testament that this Tantra stuff really works!! Oh and not forgetting the party – this was great fun with some wonderful characters emerging out of the dressing up and role play – proving that personal development doesn’t always have to be serious – in fact insight and learning can also happen with mirth and hilarity!

Back in Bristol the Men’s Tantra Circle has been continuing with the journey going deeper. There was also another highly enjoyable evening of ‘Tantra Touch’. I was very happy that my dear friend Tina was able to join me for the session and will be bringing her tremendous warmth, playful heart and general gorgeousness to these events in future as my assistant. I am thrilled to have her on board as she is such a wise, encouraging and loving being. Here in Bristol we were blessed that another radiant friend, Amala, had organised a high energy evening for friends and lovers of the spiritual teacher Osho. This included some sublime live music by the band Presence and Sarita acting as a focaliser for some seriously high-voltage energy. This was a very beautiful evening with many gathering from far and wide to dance and celebrate together. It seemed like we were being bathed in a pure, spiritual light that night and the ripples of this event could be felt around Bristol for several days afterwards! I would like to thank everyone who contributed to the magic.

Finally at the end of the month I was in London to hold another event with Sarita. This was a two day course called “the Ecstacy of Tantra”, organised by Alternatives. We had a great team of experienced helpers to support us on this workshop, and in all there were about 55 people , including many newcomers, taking a fast and deep journey. Again we were working with the chakras as the map to a journey that took us through many states – sexy, playful, dynamic, tender and magical. The group really opened up and dived right in, opening up a tangible feeling of ecstacy and wonder in a short space of time. I am noticing that people are really able to move through their limitations and let go of their stresses quickly these days, and reconnect with and remember our true nature. More and more people are exploring new ways, answering some calling……if you are reading this article its likely that you are too…..keep going , probing , exploring…. resting ….listening! 

With love til next time,



Suta’s October diary November 16, 2009

Bristol-based Tantra teacher and bodyworker SutaHello and welcome!
As the season (and clocks) change there are numerous shifts to notice and enjoy happening. The unique quality of the light and the spectacular hues of the changing leaves the beginnings of a ‘bite’ in the cooler air …..I experience the moods of Autumn as a wonderful gift. For me it has also been a time of new ventures and busyness.
In mid – October I was back at the Croydon Hall community to help facilitate the unveiling of the new five day Tantra Man Tantra Woman workshop with the School of Awakening. We had well over 50 excited participants – some very experienced tantricas and a number of new faces, all eager to dive into the process! On the first day the men and women were separated so that they could spend the next two and a half days being with their own sex and receiving the support and empowerment that can come through that. On the third day there was a beautiful reunion of the men and women in a ceremony that included mantra singing, sacred geometry, meditation, dance and the exchanging of gifts. The highlight of the remaining time was the demonstration and practice of two different massage methods – the Taoist sexual massage and the Kashmiri method. Both of these sessions can create beautiful, powerful and sensuous experiences and many people expressed a great desire to practice them more and to go deeper into each method.
After the large group dynamic and intensity of the time at Croydon Hall I enjoyed the contrast of running some smaller events back home in Bristol. There were some introductory sessions for the new Tantra Circle for Men for which a very fine bunch of men showed up.  Almost immediately there was a depth of intelligence and willingness to share that suggest this will be a potent gathering. Enabling people to become more relaxed and fulfilled in and through their body is something I feel called to. So I really enjoy developing different ways or formats for that to happen ….and to spread!
In modern life people so often forget the healing and joy that can be derived from simple, authentic pleasures. I’m on a kind of mission to remind them! One way I’m doing that is through evenings called Tantra Touch – a place where we gather to give and receive affectionate, nourishing and safe touch without having to sexualise the experience.The transformation that happens in the people who come, in the space of just a couple of hours, is something I love seeing. Tense, stiff bodies relax and soft, faces become flush with colour, eyes brighten and a serious and anxious demeanour gets replaced by warm smiles and giggles of delight! Aaaahhhh yesss!
Sometimes people like to approach things through the mind and a more conversational or informative manner. So I am starting to offer events – Let’s Talk About Sex being the first – that have that flavour and even here I get to see a similar response in many members of the audience. For some, simply listening to me speak with a passion about ‘our human sensual potential’ and sharing from a Tantric perspective can open doors to new thinking and inspire an expanded sense of possibility. Encountering ideas that may be new, perhaps even a bit challenging, can evoke a sense of curiosity and excitement. I will admit that I have been surprised how much I enjoyed doing this and am enthusiastically looking forward to the upcoming dates.
I leave you with an encouragement to really make some time for you – time to take a breath, slow down and really relish the direct exquisite pleasure just waiting to be felt in the body. Millions of years of evolution have developed and refined our extraordinary nervous system which has a capacity for pleasure way WAY beyond what most of us ever realise. Turn on the taps to your total titillation!!
With love, ’til next time,